5 ways Childhood Trauma impacts our Adult Relationships

As an expert in trauma and complex relationships I meet individuals who have survived overly traumatic experiences during some of their most vulnerable childhood years. These emotional injuries have resulted in thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that hold us back or keep us stuck in relationships that are less than fulfilling. Here are 5 ways that childhood trauma impacts our adult relationships:

1. Fear of Abandonment. Fear of abandonment is that aching feeling in your gut where you just know that your partner is going to leave you. Fear of abandonment is a paralyzing gut feeling that prevents us from responding rationally. This can feel a lot like depression and anxiety. We may fall into reassurance seeking behavior to quiet the voice in our head that says we are unlovable.

2. Trust vs. mistrust. A famous psycho-social expert Erik Erikson developed life stages that we all go through. One of the first and most important stages focuses on trust vs. mistrust. When we are babies, we learn to trust our caregivers and the world around us. However, if the environment was less than ideal we may end up experiencing struggles with trust and mistrust later in our adult relationships with friends, coworkers, and partners. We may find ourselves in a series of relationships that all follow a similar pattern. Maybe we cut them off before they get too close or we dive right in with no boundaries.

3. Sexual expression. Sexuality if an important life domain that every person has the right to explore in his/her/their own way. Sometimes, individuals who have experienced traumatic childhoods go on to experience some obstacles with sexuality. On one hand there is the person that completely shuts off and avoids sexuality. On the other hand, someone may be highly sexual, dress proactively, or even participate in sex work. Sexual expression could impact our adult relationships if they are not well-balanced and clearly communicated to partners. Sex positive approaches allow for non-shaming self-affirming exploration.

4. History of Complex Romantic Relationships. If you are an adult who has survived childhood trauma, it is likely that you have had your fair share of complex romantic relationships. Perhaps you feel as though you lean into your partner for emotional support but they pull away from you. Then as you build strength and attempt to disconnect, they lean in and hook you! They real you in by saying all the right words, but as time goes on nothing changes.

5. Chasing Love. Many young adults who have been impacted by a traumatic childhood can actually become stuck in the cycle of chasing love. We push and force relationships that just aren't working. We are addicted to being wanted or feeling wanted. Chasing love also means stepping away from our own values and morals to satisfy the other person. Chasing love means sitting with feelings of complete dissatisfaction and telling ourselves that it will be okay once someone shows us that they love us. We find ourselves in non-committed casual sex relationships or relationships that are undefined. Unfulfilled, we dive more and more into chasing love.

If you are tired of falling into the same relationship patterns—now is the time to take action. Learn more here: www.noblepathcc.com